Are you a juice cleanse fan? Looking for all-natural disease prevention? Worried about toxins or the bubonic plague? I present to you: THE ENLIGHTENMENT CLEANSE! Daniel Defoe recommended a good “cleansing and purging off of the noxious slime and corroded juices” from one’s body. Forget the cayenne- and lemon-infused water, though! THIS cleanse is all about vomiting, and taking mercury to induce salivation. Tough times call for tough measures!  Send me a check now for $29.95, and I’ll send YOU my new book, “The Enlightenment Cleanse,” and our new Enlighten-H2O–water that’s guaranteed fresh, crystal-clear, and pure!*

*by 18th-century Bath pump standards. Not fit for human consumption.


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